Attention All Ladies of The Night – Here’s Why You Look Horrible on Wednesday

You went out on Saturday. Don’t lie, you totally did and when you went out, you WENT HARD. So now it’s Monday, and you’re still not feeling 100% due to the weekend’s debauchery. We hear you girl. Here’s what’s going on in your body. (Moms and persons that don’t get cray on the weekends, click away now or just make your teenager read this lesson.) Gear up ladies; you’re officially well on your way to physically looking your worst by Wednesday.

Who’s excited for cocktails this weekend?

Who’s excited for cocktails this weekend?

Sunday – I like to call Sunday my “epic hangover day.” The only cure for this hangover is day drinking and keeping the buzz going. Be sure to take a munchies break and eat something, otherwise tomorrow is going to be the worst Monday ever. PLUS the alcohol you’ve been drankin’ on Sunday funday will pass through the stomach slower and give your liver a little break.

Monday – Now you’re really coming down from the alcohol AND you’re at work. Your favorite place to be hung over. Your body is responding to copious amounts of glucose in your system and will produce more insulin to remove it. What does that mean? Low blood glucose levels are responsible for that drained/tired/shaky/dizzy/sweaty feeling that’s going on and disgusting your coworkers. Alcohol also irritates the lining of the stomach which can bring on nausea. Since your liver can only metabolize a certain amount of alcohol per hour, you still may be drunk. 9 am status meeting anyone?

Tuesday – You didn’t sleep well last night did you? You also forgot to take off that hangover hiding-makeup, huh. Chances are, the stress imposed on your body from drinking probably didn’t let you sleep so soundly the night before.  Those aches and pains also grace you as an after effect from drinking. Why? Because alcohol consumption leads to an increased production of uric acid which can cause mild joint pain.

Wednesday – Today you’re probably working through your lunch hour to make up for lost time which makes you reach for those nasty 600 calorie snacks to help boost your energy. Don’t worry though, alcohol deprives the normal muscle building and repair process, so that gym session you thought would make you feel better about yourself really didn’t do much. Straight to those thighs! Great news! At 3:30pm today, you’re going to look your absolute OLDEST. Get through the hump, we’re almost done.

Thursday – Truth is that drinking 5 or more libations can affect the brain and body for up to 5 days. You’re in this for the long haul babe. KEEP IT TOGETHER! Because of all of that dehydration, immunity system suppression, sleep apnea and inhibited nutrient absorption, you’re tired and really unmotivated after a long week. Let’s look at the upside; there’s also the possibility of you still blowing a .03. Seriously.

And that my friends, is how the west was won.


P.S. This friendly app will show you how much alcohol can age you according to how much you drink. Thank goodness for cosmetics. Have fun!

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